To have or not to have - do both cause suffering?
These thoughts are inspired some words by Steve Rowe a local martial arts expert in one of his books called 'Soft front, Hard back'. This isn't about wanting a basic or better standard of living, it's about attaching our happiness or unhappiness to things and desires. There are things (or situations or people) we desire, that we don't have, which might cause suffering, we are unhappy because we can't have what we want, we yearn for it, pine for it think we will be happy if we have it and we can't find happiness without it. It could be something small or big, and relative to our life situation. There's certainly nothing wrong with being driven and motivated to work hard and achieve success (how do we measure that?), as long as it doesn't cause harm to yourself or others along the way.
It seems that we all want things to make us happy. If only I could have 'this', then I would be happy. A bit more money, a slightly bigger house, a slightly new car. Unfortunately, this doesn't always work. Things don't contain happiness, a car can't be happy, so how can we acquire happiness from it? Assuming we have had some of these thoughts at some point and actually acquired something that we thought would really make us happy, are we any happier now that we have it? The 'happiness' may have occurred, but was it relatively short lived and did it have other consequences. The new car gets dirty, dented, scratched, adds mileage, depreciates, requires servicing, tyres, insurance, tax etc. etc. This if different from appreciation or joy or excitement, all of which are wonderful feelings and emotions that we can experience again and again. But that isn't happiness.
We can still be happy if we are financially poor, assuming our basic needs (e.g. food, clothes, shelter, community) are met, we can also be happy if we are rich and also unhappy poor, unhappy rich. There are lot of variables, and depending on where we are starting out. Little money might mean working three jobs and not spending quality time with friends and family or connecting with nature, which could make us unhappy and disconnected. Having a lot of wealth might enable you to work for a charity and spend lots of time with and helping communities or work in conservation without having to worry about how to pay the bills. Having a lot of wealth or income doesn't always meaning acquiring material goods for oneself. Wanting
For some it might be a shelter to live, or even pair of shoes, for others, it might be a very expensive pair shoes, a new car, a ski chalet in the Swiss alps or a luxury apartment in the Seychelles.
The practice of non-attachment can mean that we can be happy with or without. We do not rely on anything else for our underlying happiness. We can take this into other situations, whatever causes us suffering, can we think of what annoys us, are we able to become a little more indifferent, less affected?
Declan's often quoted relationship with litter might help explain. Reaction 1) Get annoyed with the litter and do nothing (stay annoyed for varying amounts of time). 2) Try turn it into a positive, pick it up and put it in the bin, smiling, but through gritted teeth. 3) learn to pick it up with a genuine smile. 4) be able to pick it up or not pick it up and not have any emotional reaction or attachment either way. I'm not picking litter today, but I'm happy with that, I don't regret not picking it up even though now maybe I actually want to, but I'm also beyond feeling annoyed at the fact that its there. Hello 'Mr beer can', how are you today? I'll come and see you tomorrow and if you are still there, then I'll put you in the bin with your other friends.
So we can 'entertain' thoughts, feelings emotions, and as Steve says 'serve them tea' and then allow them to leave.